Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts

Apr 15, 2008

New Definitions...

School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.
Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich
Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.
Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.
Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.
Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.
Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Father : A banker provided by nature.
Criminal: A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.
Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

Feb 20, 2008

Exact meaning...!...!

Read the paragraph below...

and try to understand the meaning.

Then look for the answer below.

Test yourself first.

'Two individuals proceeded towards the apex of a natural geologic
protuberance, the purpose of their expedition being the procurement
of a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact
size of which was unspecified.

'One member of the team precipitously descended, sustaining severe
damage to the upper cranial portion of his anatomical structure;
subsequently, the second member of the team performed
self-rotational translation, orientated in the same direction taken by the
first team member.'

ANY GUESSES WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT???

Scroll down to understand :.......in simple English what does this translate to?

'Jack and Jill went up the hill

To fetch a pail of water

Jack fell down and broke his crown

And Jill came tumbling after!'
----------------

Dec 18, 2007

Heavenly Nick Names

Here is a list of Nick names for the persons holding the role in your ESTEEMED Company:

Update this list if you have one....

Brahma - Systems Installation

Vishnu - Systems Administration & Support

Lakshmi - Finance and Accounts consultant

Saraswati - Training and Knowledge Management

Shiva - DBA (Crash Specialist)

Ganesh - Quality Assurance & Documentation

Narada - Data transfer

Yama - Reorganization & Downsizing Consultant

Chitragupta - IDP & Personal Records

Apsaras - Downloadable Viruses

Devas - Mainframe Programmers

Surya - Solaris Administrator

Rakshasas - In house Hackers

Ravan - Internet Explorer

Kumbhakarnan - Zombie Process

Lakshman - Support Software and Backup

Hanuman - Linux/s390

Vaali - MS Windows

Sugreeva - DOS

Jatayu - Firewall

Dronacharya - System Programmer

Vishwamitra - Sr. Manager Projects

Shakuni - Annual appraisal & Promotion

Valmiki - Technical Writer (Ramayana Sign off document)

Krishna - SDLC ( Sudarshan Wheel Development Life Cycle)

Dharmaraj Yudhishthira - ISO Consultant (CMM level 5)

Arjun - Lead Programmer (all companies are vying for him)

Abhimanyu - Trainee Programmer

Draupadi - Motivation & Team building

Bhima - MAINFRAME LEGACY SYSTEM

Duryodhana - Microsoft product Written in VB

Karna - Contract programmer

Dhrutarashtra - Visual C++

Gandhari - Dreamweaver

Shanieswara - Test engineer: frequently detecting bugs.